Tuesday, September 20, 2011

MACHETE (2010)

Machete (2010)

Ah gotta love throwbacks to 70's exploitation flicks. Usually a hit and a miss, but when they hit. They really hit. To watch this film and appreciate it, you have to go into it, turning off your brain and knowing the film for what it is. You expect anything more, and you will be sorely disappointed. You expect cheese, you get cheese.

Unlike, say Black Dynamite, this film isn't too tongue in cheek, as it still ultimately wants to tell a story. And where as the former film fails with being too obviously ridiculous, this film is made with definitive love of the genre and wants to tell the best tale it can within the confines.

It's not a great film. It is fun though. Definitely something you and a group of friends can throw on, and appreciate together over laughs and groans.


The Good: Unabashed with cheesy violence (not torture porn for those of you quick to label everything as such, and not even ultra-violence ala Clockwork Orange) but there is still violence a plenty. And nudity, but you almost have to laugh at the ridiculousness of the situations. Seeing all the big names in such a ridiculous show only heightens the spectacle.

The Bad: Too clena of a film at times. It's best when it hearkens back to the 70's gritty film techniques, whereas a few times it is too polished. 

Final Thoughts: Machete (the man not the film) is the ultimate badass. He can be beaten but he can't be killed. I wouldn't be surprised if we actually did see the faux sequels to this, actually get made.

Add to the vault: Ha ha not likely. It's a great film if you have a group of buddies around and want some mindless entertainment, but the repeat value is not entirely there. I doubt this will be remembered in 5 years let alone 30 years later, like some of the classic 70s films these newer flicks pay homage to.

If you aren't entirely certain if this film is for you, here is the red band trailer: (WARNING: NOT FOR UNDER 18 or FAINT OF HEART!!! DON'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU!!!)



New (or new to me) Movies Watched While Up North



Movies I recommend are highlighted in Green. Crap Movies are Red. All other movies will stay same background if they are just okay.
  1. Gentlemen Broncos (Messed Up. Ultimately meh)
  2. Red (Nice to see older actors/actresses still working. Ridiculous action though)
  3. The Day the Earth Stood Still (2010) (Had potential...but lame)
  4. Danny Deckchair (Cute, fun and quirky film of ridiculous premise.)
  5. Dinner for Schmucks (Some funny moments but nothing redeemable)
  6. Agora (Great historical tale)
  7. Bottle Rocket (Seriously? This made the Wilson brothers famous??)
  8. Paper Man (Always good to see Jeff Daniels working, but film had very little arc)
  9. Transformers 3 (Good freaking gawd. This was by far the worst theatre experience I ever had in my life. How was the film? Crappy)
  10. Resident Evil: Afterlife (Ugh... I like the video games but why must they ruin such an easy premise to make cool?)
  11. Centurion (Actually half-way decent. Obvious portfolio film, but decent none-the-less. And Imogen Poots is cute, with a goofy name.)
  12. Never Let Me Go (Supposedly brilliant, I found it irritating.)
  13. Greenberg (I like dramatic Ben Stiller, but irredeemable dink he is in this film doesn't work for me.)
  14. Chronicles of Narnia: Voyage of the Dawn Trader (just okay. I was never into the books)
  15. The Fighter (Great film.)
  16. Crossroads (1986) ((Not the Britney Spears films. This film follows the original karate kid on a road trip to discover blues music. Seriously! And it's actually decent.)
  17. Conviction (It's like Dead Man Walking with a happy ending)
  18. Freakonomics (Why in hell was this made into a film?)
  19. Diary of a Wimpy Kid (Recommended to me, supposedly potential for a "classic" for kids of this generation.. I dunno. Don't see it.)
  20. London Boulevard (People forget that Colin Farrell can be awesome, but this is marred by Kiera Knightly. Lots of potential, but makes me want to go watch In Bruges again.)
  21. An Education (Carey Mulligan and Peter Sarsgaard are great actors but the story is kinda lame)
  22. It Might Get Loud (Obvious rock legends, but just an okay documentary.)
  23. X-Men: First Class (Not perfect but a step in the right direction for X-Men flicks. Great casting)
  24. Bridesmaids (Decent flick but I think Kristen Wiig has yet to really get the ultimate movie to prove her worth)
  25. Devil (Don't let M. Night Shamalyan's name stop you from watching this decent, relatively independent horror flick.)
  26. Skyline (Crap film, obvious portfolio film for a special effects crew, but stupid flick)
  27. Sucker Punch (Very decent flick. Gotta love original stories. Big fan of Zach Snyder, but he does need occassional help on narratives.)
  28. Rango (Just okay. I am scared to say I am getting a little Johnny Depp weary...)
  29. Source Code (Director of Moon. Decent flick. I recommend it.)
  30. Faster (Just okay. I still wish Dwayne Johnson would get behind a decent headlining action role, to really prove his worth.)
  31. Let Me In (Okay. Chloe Moretz will be great if she can avoid the Lindsay Lohan route. The original flick is much better though.)
  32. Knight and Day. (I like Tom Cruise in some projects, but Cameron Diaz is increasingly weary these days. And this flick was dumb.)
  33. Piranha (Ridiculous flick that shamelessly embraces what it is without getting too serious. Gotta appreciate that.)
  34. Captain America (I thought it would be appropriate to watch this flick while actually in the U.S., truthfully as okay as the film is, it is highly overrated by other reviews.)
  35. D13: Ultimatum (Sequel to a decent flick. Cyril Rafaelli needs his own action flick. Thumbs up.)
  36. Monsters (Very VERY cool independent film. Highly recommend it if you are interested in an unconventional love story.)
  37. Battle: Los Angeles (Expected something like Skyline, instead got a very cool film. Check it out!)
  38. Tron: Legacy (Not a huge fan of Tron, but this was decent. I like it when Hollywood can actually find some charismatic young actors, instead of cookie cutter models types that can't act.)
  39. Drive Angry (Ha ha ridiculous Nicholas Cage is ridiculous.)
  40. 127 Hours (I find James Franco very hit and miss. Highly overrated most of the time. This was a hit.)
  41. True Grit (You've undoubtedly seen my penchant for decent westerns so far. This was not one. Highly overrated and I wanted it to be so good. I am beginning to think I don't like the Coen Brothers which I hear is sacrilege.)
  42. Rec2 (Rec1 and the american version Quarantine are decent virus/zombie flicks. This continues the trend.)
  43. The Mechanic (I expected a standard Jason Statham flick ala Transporter or Crank, but truthfully this was a decent back and forth assassin thriller. Not perfect but good.)
  44. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 (I dunno... I feel like it would have been so much better without JK Rowlings influence.)
  45. The Sorcerer's Apprentice (For what seemed to be a forgettable film in theatres, I was surprised at how fun and interesting this flick was. Don't write it off.)

I have returned!!

Bet you thought this blog went by the wayside and was obsolete forever. Not so. I merely was on hiatus for 5 months or so, and now I have returned.

I won't go into details with where I was, but rest assured movies were watched, and opinions were had.Where I went there was no internet, no television, but I did have my trusty dvd player and a tv.

I will give two lists. The first is movies I own that I watched while I was in the wild, and the second list is for new(er) movies I watched while I was away. Because of the volume I will limit the reviews for the newer movies to a few words at most.


Moves I Own (watched during the hiatus)
  1. Casino Royale
  2. Silent Hill
  3. Dodgeball
  4. Spider-Man
  5. 28 Days Later
  6. Constantine
  7. Ace Ventura
  8. Starship Troopers
  9. I, Robot
  10. Willow
  11. Maximum Overdrive
  12. Tremors
  13. 3000 Miles to Graceland
  14. Die Hard
  15. Dante's Peak
  16. Lake Placid
  17. French Kiss
  18. Shaun of the Dead
  19. Batman Begins
  20. The Dark Knight
  21. Big Fish
  22. The Goonies
  23. LOTR: Fellowship of the Ring
  24. Quigley Down Under
  25. Cloverfield
  26. Phantom of the Opera
  27. Leon: The Professional
  28. Strange Days
  29. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest
  30. Last Samurai
  31. Commando
  32. LOTR: The Two Towers (Part 1)
  33. LOTR: The Two Towers (Part 2)
  34. Le Pacte Des Loups (Brotherhood of the Wolf)
  35. LOTR: Return of the King (Part 1)
  36. LOTR: Return of the King (Part 2)
  37. The Fifth Element
  38. T2: Judgement Day
  39. Inception
  40. Kiss Kiss Bang Bang
  41. Assualt on Precinct 13
  42. 30 Days of Night
  43. Resident Evil: Afterlife
  44. The Mummy
  45. Unleashed
  46. Hackers
  47. Labyrinth
  48. Tangled
  49. The Mummy Returns
  50. The Hills Have Eyes
  51. Serenity
  52. The Salton Sea
  53. Underworld
  54. Underworld: Evolution
  55. Moulin Rouge
  56. Brick
  57. About A Boy
  58. Blade II
  59. Ghost in the Shell
  60. Godzilla
Next post will be the newer (or new to me) movies I watched.